I've been running around like a crazy person. As is perhaps true with any church-planter (or any adult) I have seen my personal schedule pick up pace and fill up empty slots in my calendar. This all seemed to start three (or even five) weeks ago. And it's all been self-induced. I have no one else to blame.Five weeks ago Radiant Church began worship services on Sunday mornings. It has changed our culture as a faith family on mission. We are now learning to bolt out of bed early each Sunday. Our church is proving to be servants, and it's been fun. Three weeks ago Deb and I took two nights to camp in a nearby Forest Service cabin. It was great fun to be with her, snow shoeing and cross-country skiing while several miles outside of cell phone range. That Tuesday we returned home. On that Wednesday I recruited my friend Dwight and we flew to Petersburg (AK) so I could buy a boat. We flew home the following day.
The boat arrived by ferry that Sunday. We towed it and parked it that evening. I then left early the next morning for a pastors' retreat I wasn't sure I wanted to attend. In spite of driving adventures between SeaTac and Leavenworth, WA it ended up being the best pastors' retreat I have ever attended. I made it home that Wednesday night, and then subbed at TMHS the next four school days.
Last week I subbed some more, devoted many early mornings to meeting with people, and made numerous trips to the marine supply store to outfit the boat. (I'm learning that BOAT stands for "blow out another thousand!") And the truth is, I did this with lots of doing, but very little thinking. Again, self-induced.
I found myself envious of the Psalm writers (King David, and the other psalm-writing guys) who could quietly ascertain their own thoughts and fears while seeking the calming sovereignty and grace of God. Attempting to be meditative or prayerful, even in the brief, fleeting moments while driving did not necessarily meet with success.
But, and by God's immeasurable grace to me this is "spring break." I have been afforded time and solitude to seek my God, out of desperation and a needed course-correct, a re-calibration long overdue. My sermon text for this week has caused me to drop to my knees in wonder and humility in response to God's incredible grace extended to me.
And this I've learned (or learned again;) My God wants my heart a whole lot more than He wants my activity or productivity. He wants me to seek Him rather than a completed agenda. He wants me to know Him even more than He wants me to know about Him.
And I will likely spend the remainder of my earthly life learning to do just that.
