Control Issues

Okay, I admit it; I have control issues. My unbending belief in God's sovereignty, my trust in His gracious providence and my hope in His already accomplished acceptance of me too often come up against my innate desire to control my circumstances.

Too often I take the words of Genesis 1:26 and 28 (to "subdue" and "have dominion over" the earth) too literally. I like observable, tangible progress. I like seeing things happen. I want to control my circumstances and those associated outcomes while avoiding the more negative version of outcomes: consequences. And I want it all to happen according to my own self-imposed timeline/s.

I wonder how often God laughs at me (?) I think I already know.

Working to start a new church in a new city is akin to trying to walk in a straight line with the lights off. Plans do not always go according to plan. It is not always easy to gather people into community. It is a challenge to see how each event, even what appears to be insignificant events fit together into the big picture when the big picture is not yet all lit up.

God knows I cannot handle the big picture. I'd screw it up. I'd try to amend it or speed it up. My control issues would grow exponentially. I would be a small-time tyrant, and the consequences of which would be chaos and anarchy and some seriously misguided motivations. And my unbending belief in God's sovereignty would suffer under scrutiny.

Church-planters know this, but they don't know it until they know it: church-planting is a faith walk. And maybe I can number myself among other church-planters who have learned to pray, "...Your kingdom come, Your will be done..." in a way they wouldn't if they were not church-planters.

And it may be I need to see God's will  also applies directly and today to my self-imposed timeline/s.