Failure to Represent

I recently had an eight-day gig subbing in a high school biology class. I've had these classes and these students before. I know them and they know me, only to the extent a substitute teacher can know and be known. I've learned that being quick with a quip (and bribing them with Jolly Ranchers on Fridays) helps to get these kids on my wavelength. These kids seem to like anyone who likes them.

The biology teacher was called away to attend to family matters out of state. She had other things on her mind during her departure and absence. While normally very organized and a thoughtful planner, she did not leave behind teaching notes or a curriculum plan this time around. I was forced to fake it.

Trying to be resourceful I made contact with other science teachers in the school building. I also reached out (i.e. begged for help) to a biology-teaching friend in the Seattle area. I received help, resources and some empathy. I was able to advance the students through their textbook chapters. I helped them conduct two hands-on labs. I did assign homework due dates, but did not burden them with exams. I even had some school administrators ask if they should remove the word "substitute" from my ID badge, though I'm not sure how that would have helped. A coffee cup and an assigned parking space would be nice.

But over the course of those eight days I experienced a downturn. I found myself wearing my self-pity like a blanket. I was resentful over not having enough time to work on "my" church plant, though admittedly this was all of my own doing. I was resentful my assignment required so much prep time. I was resentful over not having enough time to eat lunch.

And I blew it. I revealed my self-pity to too many people; and revealing this to even one person was one person too many. Instead of representing my King with optimism, flexibility, patience and the altruism only a child of the King can display, I instead displayed a primary concern for self, like any idol-worshipper who sees himself as the center of his own universe.

I failed to represent. And I came to realize this when staff people started asking me if "I was okay." And I was humbled. And I repented to my King. And I was reminded again that being a pastor (okay, being a Christ-follower) requires a commitment to grace even when not on the pastoral clock. And I learned again - I need the gospel preached to my own heart - every day.

(thanks, Pat Costello for the cool photo)