Double Nickel Reflections

Birthdays come and go. My father modeled to me the art and science of attempting to fly under the radar when our respective birthdays come each November. Facebook has not helped my cause as of late.

This year, hitting the double nickel benchmark finds me a bit reflective; reflecting on God's bountiful blessings for sure, and reflecting on my still ongoing maturation process. Maybe it's the late fall Alaska landscape that induces such deep, and therefore for me alien thoughts. Maybe not.

While no one has ever, ever accused me of being more mature than my age, I do see some signs of maturity slowly taking root in me. Slowly. I'm a chronic late developer.

I realize I don't always have answers, and my self-appointed role as the "answer man" has been discredited over time. I am not so quick to enter into a philosophical or ideological fight, not so quick to point out the faults in other people, not nearly so consumed with being impressive. And I've learned to applaud and not internally jeer the husky joggers I see from time to time along the roadways, knowing I am now in their camp. Only by God's grace, and out of His concern for other people, the priestly side of me is growing. I am becoming strangely more compassionate.

It's been my privilege to live in beautiful places up and down the west coast. I realize I have been blessed beyond measure with enduring friendships. And I have learned that God does His best lesson-giving in my life through the more difficult circumstances I encounter, especially those encounters I bring on myself. I am learning to pray from new levels of need and greater heights of praise.

The gospel of Jesus is more mysterious to me than it's ever been. I am learning that the Church is organism, a family, rather than static organization; a garden rather than a gated community. I see now that my life is borne out of my identity rather than my production. I've learned that head knowledge does not by itself bring about transformation. And I'm amazed it took me this long to figure this out.

And I see, finally, that God is not lucky to have me. I am fortunate to be His. Grace is being given something not deserved, and I have been given grace.

And I'm learning I can no longer make assumptions about the pants size I wear.