Internal Combustion

I see myself as one of the few "anti-bloggers." I have many friends (mostly acquaintances) who write frequent blog posts with much to say, with many words, and with more wisdom, expertise and authority than I could possibly muster. Perhaps I find myself with different motivations. Blogging (now a cultural verb) helps me, through trial and error to learn to convey thoughts with fewer words. (Good thing, I suppose. This makes my own mother, the former English teacher happy.) I also write to prove, a least to myself that I am not an expert in my field.

In the ongoing process of my own "sanctification" (a Bible word for "maturing as a follower of Jesus") it is clear to all I am not yet a finished product. Therefore, my blog posts are intended to be more about my learning than what I may think I already know. (I know, this sounds like post-modern angst.) This is my attempt to again fillet my soul by electronic medium. I hereby submit to you only the latest example, under a possible sub heading of "Don't Be Like Mike!"

I was assigned to be the band teacher at TMHS the first three days of this week. I figured I could fake my way through jazz band, wind ensemble, song writing, concert band and the history of rock and roll. I hearkened back on my own history in school band/s, a few college classes and my own wits. Admittedly I had a blast. Once the kids knew "Mr. Mike" was indeed serious about conducting rehearsals (or making them write papers on song writing or the history of rock and roll) they bought in. They all made it easy for me. It helped when I told them at the onset of what I knew...and what I didn't know (or had left behind in the annuls of time.) But here's what I didn't see coming...

I didn't know the school district is short of subs. On Monday, after showing up for "0" Period only to find out they don't meet on Mondays (gurr), I actually found myself responsible for two classrooms; my band room, and the choir/strings/Spanish/health class next door. It was chaos, (double gurr?) On Tuesday, again due to said sub shortage I devoted my two "prep" periods to covering morning P.E. classes, both teaming with adolescent humanity. (And, yes, we had an injury...which happens every single time I have a P.E. class. I am consistent.) The DVD player in the band room decided not to function that afternoon, so I was forced to resort to Plan B (fake it) mode.

By Wednesday I harbored two extremes; optimistic and accommodating externally, while seething internally (where the real 'me' resides.) I found myself ready to tell anyone willing to listen of how the school, school district and the world-wide educational system (if there is such a thing) were against me.

However, and before I got irreparably too deep into any of those conversations I had a God moment. And what I heard, if not audibly was, "Stop and think, you fool!" (My words, not necessarily God's.) And what I realized then and now is, all of it was parcel to my own sanctification. These experiences were going to do one of two things: break me of my pride, or break any positive reputation at the school I may have in the "bank." I came home that day, chastised and newly reformed.

So today I wrote my children (as I do each week) and told them what I'm now telling you: my ongoing sanctification is not yet complete. I got it wrong, very wrong, as self-pity almost always is. My internal was out of joint and my external wasn't far behind.

There you have it. That's what I learned already this week. Pity, I may have to re-learn it all again if it doesn't stick this time around.

Oh, and I see I've also botched the word limit on this post.