Don't Do; Just Think!

I've been running around like a crazy person. As is perhaps true with any church-planter (or any adult) I have seen my personal schedule pick up pace and fill up empty slots in my calendar. This all seemed to start three (or even five) weeks ago. And it's all been self-induced. I have no one else to blame.

Five weeks ago Radiant Church began worship services on Sunday mornings. It has changed our culture as a faith family on mission. We are now learning to bolt out of bed early each Sunday. Our church is proving to be servants, and it's been fun. Three weeks ago Deb and I took two nights to camp in a nearby Forest Service cabin. It was great fun to be with her, snow shoeing and cross-country skiing while several miles outside of cell phone range. That Tuesday we returned home. On that Wednesday I recruited my friend Dwight and we flew to Petersburg (AK) so I could buy a boat. We flew home the following day.

The boat arrived by ferry that Sunday. We towed it and parked it that evening. I then left early the next morning for a pastors' retreat I wasn't sure I wanted to attend. In spite of driving adventures between SeaTac and Leavenworth, WA it ended up being the best pastors' retreat I have ever attended. I made it home that Wednesday night, and then subbed at TMHS the next four school days.

Last week I subbed some more, devoted many early mornings to meeting with people, and made numerous trips to the marine supply store to outfit the boat. (I'm learning that BOAT stands for "blow out another thousand!") And the truth is, I did this with lots of doing, but very little thinking. Again, self-induced.

I found myself envious of the Psalm writers (King David, and the other psalm-writing guys) who could quietly ascertain their own thoughts and fears while seeking the calming sovereignty and grace of God. Attempting to be meditative or prayerful, even in the brief, fleeting moments while driving did not necessarily meet with success.

But, and by God's immeasurable grace to me this is "spring break." I have been afforded time and solitude to seek my God, out of desperation and a needed course-correct, a re-calibration long overdue. My sermon text for this week has caused me to drop to my knees in wonder and humility in response to God's incredible grace extended to me.

And this I've learned (or learned again;) My God wants my heart a whole lot more than He wants my activity or productivity. He wants me to seek Him rather than a completed agenda. He wants me to know Him even more than He wants me to know about Him.

And I will likely spend the remainder of my earthly life learning to do just that.

We Don't Want to Mess this Up!

Radiant Church Juneau will conduct our first (real) worship gathering this Sunday. We're pretty excited about this. We don't want to mess this up!

We've purchased gear, met our suppliers, established logistics, printed and handed out invitations, talked through service order and the sermon series, assigned roles and even had a practice gathering last week. We've tried our best to think of everything short term, even long term. We have been praying. A lot. We want to conduct worship services with excellence, because our God is really excellent and worthy of our highest praise. We do not want to mess this up.

It could be easy for us and others to regard this Sunday as the real "beginning" of our church. It could be easy for us to evaluate our church (thus ourselves) by how well or how poorly the service went, how many people joined with us, and any resultant buzz around town the week following. We could quickly see Sunday worship gatherings as what makes us "legit."

We do not want to mess this up. We do not want to lose sight of our identity as a church: We are a Family of Servant Missionaries learning to be and make Disciples. As Radiant Church we are not called to put on events; we are called to be and make disciples of Jesus (Matthew 28:19.) Sadly, it's hard to make church attendees into disciples in a singular hour (or so) long meeting each week. Disciples of Jesus are made in the context of family relationships, doing life together throughout the week as servants and missionaries. Disciples cannot be made when limited to Sunday mornings where people don't even have enough time to talk because they're too busy sitting still and listening.

We will go one of two ways in the next weeks, months, years; we will either create and become Sunday consumers of Christian goods and services, or we will view Sunday mornings as an extended family reunion. We will either see ourselves going to church, or being the church. We will either be captivated by the worship event, or captivated by Who the worship event is for.

I'm not the first or last person to write on this subject, but for us, Radiant Church Juneau right here
and right now this is all very real. Pray for us. We do not want to mess this up!

Faith Forward

It's not often I write passage notes into my prayer journal. My journal is reserved for prayer. Today, however, God spoke to me through Hebrews 11 and my present circumstance. Prayer answered.

1. Faith is evidenced in assurance and conviction of things yet unseen. Just because I cannot see into the future doesn't make anything yet-to-be less certain.

2. Without faith it is impossible for me to live with and for my God. I don't want to be a functional agnostic.

3. Faith is experienced in the willingness to move forward into the unknown with confidence(see #1) and harder for me, optimism.

4. My faith gives me new identity, that of an "alien" living with hope and perspective external to my present circumstance, all with a transformed (and being transformed) world view.

5. My faith's result is new life (see #4) for me, and hopefully for other people.

6. My faith will be the only compelling reason to ever choose the harder way or greater personal risk. What is counter-intuitive is slowly becoming intuitive.

7. My faith is in someone greater than me, Jesus. Faith in faith by itself is perhaps sincere, but for me sincerely wrong. Faith in people (including me) or in institutions will disappoint. My faith is and must be in response toward someone greater than me. My faith calls me to believe and therefore trust a higher sovereignty.

My faith is being tested in these days leading up to our church conducting Sunday worship services. The present seems overwhelming and the future full of risk. How vital it is for me today to believe and find solace in what I just wrote.



(Thanks, Ron Gile for the killer photo!)

A Little Perspective Might Help

Though a native Southern Californian I have spent 23 years of my life in the Seattle area. While Santa Barbara is my hometown, the Seattle area feels like home base. I have been a Seahawks fan longer than most...because I am older than most. (I will also admit without apology that I took a detour in the 1980's to be relevant to my then Northern Cal constituency. Oddly enough, the black and silver team, not the red and gold team.)

While I am happy to join the Northwest corner (unlike the rest) of the Lower 48 in applauding the Seahawks' addition to the Super Bowl ledger, I am also troubled.

I am troubled over how we're all now on the bandwagon, and how this encourages a higher level of fevered emotion, devotion and wardrobe choices than it does toward more important things. It's like we're now all pawns of a new state religion. Might it be time for Christians in particular to re-calibrate?

I am troubled that each of us will 1) defend, or 2) judge the ill-timed on-camera post game rant by "that" cornerback. Our position is based almost exclusively on our team allegiance. I found it troubling that one well-intentioned defense included the fact that the player is from Compton, CA. (I guess we're supposed to ignore the strain of racial profiling in that.)

I am troubled that some of my pastor friends have been quick to play judge and jury regarding that same player. (C'mon, fellas; as leaders, what are we leading our people to?)

I am troubled that well-intentioned friends will now enter the "which team has more professing Christians than the other team" arms race that is intended to justify and/or persuade our affiliations. While I am happy to see believers on both teams we also ignore the more unsavory rap sheets of some of their teammates.

As stated, I am a happy Seahawks fan today. I hope they win the big one. I really do. I remember thinking the SF Giants would never win the World Series in my lifetime, but this they did. Twice. But if those baseball championships speak to this football season, we, all of us will care deeply about the next outcome. For about a day or two. And then the vicarious glory or vicarious pain will fade. As it should. That's what idols do.

One team or the other will be crowned "World Champions." Doesn't it strike you odd that no other nations have been invited? And would we not agree, our team winning or not winning has no real bearing on why we were created, who we are, or what we live for?

Reflection Paralysis

Middle age shouldn't be confused with the Middle Ages. Historians tell us that while the rest of the civilized world was advancing in those centuries, Europe was blanketed in the "dark ages." No one looks back on the Middle Ages in Europe and says, "those were the good old days," (save for the then dominant church, the land barons and perhaps the Barbarians.)

Middle age, on the other hand is hopefully a season of enlightenment. We come to know ourselves for what we really are. We become more self-evaluative, more reflective. We learn to appreciate and value our primary relationships. We come to terms with our own mortality. Our "legacy" becomes a more viable concern. And I can find myself paralyzed in the process.

I found myself in a high school classroom last week talking about "identity" with the students, and how our identities are formed and informed. The consensus among them seemed to be that (with collective regret) we tend to allow our past, our culture and other people to determine who and what we are. This got me thinking.

Is it possible that with the onset of middle age we find ourselves less constrained by the opinions of others but increasingly shackled by our past? Do our own failures and unmet expectations now determine who and what we are? If so, I'm toast.

It's taken me, and continues to take me a long time to acknowledge who I am. And it may be that my own season of middle age is forcing the issue. There is a choice to be made, even as it may not appear to be a this-or-that crossroads.

I can choose to be dictated by my history of failures and unmet expectations. I can be disappointed by having exhausted my supposed entitlements. I can hope the culture and people in my life will somehow affirm me enough in order to affirm myself. I can hope my "good's" outweigh my "bad's." But I know where this option leads: failure and unmet expectations. A vicious cycle. (If I don't learn from my history, I am certain to repeat it.)

Or, I can place the source and stability of my identity in Someone else's hands. My Bible tells me that Who God is, and What God has done determines who I am and how I can live. It's not about highlighting what I've done well, or glossing over what I didn't do so well. It's not about trying to convince other people I am more admirable than I know myself to be. It's not about blaming culture or other people, fanning the flames of a victim mentality. It IS about acknowledging God's work, through Jesus, on my behalf, unwarranted and unearned on my part, determines and informs who I am now.

It's a choice to believe that it's not what I do, but what Jesus has already done. That's grace. And that's the choice I make. Because, here in my own middle ages it's the only option that doesn't end in darkness.

Internal Combustion

I see myself as one of the few "anti-bloggers." I have many friends (mostly acquaintances) who write frequent blog posts with much to say, with many words, and with more wisdom, expertise and authority than I could possibly muster. Perhaps I find myself with different motivations. Blogging (now a cultural verb) helps me, through trial and error to learn to convey thoughts with fewer words. (Good thing, I suppose. This makes my own mother, the former English teacher happy.) I also write to prove, a least to myself that I am not an expert in my field.

In the ongoing process of my own "sanctification" (a Bible word for "maturing as a follower of Jesus") it is clear to all I am not yet a finished product. Therefore, my blog posts are intended to be more about my learning than what I may think I already know. (I know, this sounds like post-modern angst.) This is my attempt to again fillet my soul by electronic medium. I hereby submit to you only the latest example, under a possible sub heading of "Don't Be Like Mike!"

I was assigned to be the band teacher at TMHS the first three days of this week. I figured I could fake my way through jazz band, wind ensemble, song writing, concert band and the history of rock and roll. I hearkened back on my own history in school band/s, a few college classes and my own wits. Admittedly I had a blast. Once the kids knew "Mr. Mike" was indeed serious about conducting rehearsals (or making them write papers on song writing or the history of rock and roll) they bought in. They all made it easy for me. It helped when I told them at the onset of what I knew...and what I didn't know (or had left behind in the annuls of time.) But here's what I didn't see coming...

I didn't know the school district is short of subs. On Monday, after showing up for "0" Period only to find out they don't meet on Mondays (gurr), I actually found myself responsible for two classrooms; my band room, and the choir/strings/Spanish/health class next door. It was chaos, (double gurr?) On Tuesday, again due to said sub shortage I devoted my two "prep" periods to covering morning P.E. classes, both teaming with adolescent humanity. (And, yes, we had an injury...which happens every single time I have a P.E. class. I am consistent.) The DVD player in the band room decided not to function that afternoon, so I was forced to resort to Plan B (fake it) mode.

By Wednesday I harbored two extremes; optimistic and accommodating externally, while seething internally (where the real 'me' resides.) I found myself ready to tell anyone willing to listen of how the school, school district and the world-wide educational system (if there is such a thing) were against me.

However, and before I got irreparably too deep into any of those conversations I had a God moment. And what I heard, if not audibly was, "Stop and think, you fool!" (My words, not necessarily God's.) And what I realized then and now is, all of it was parcel to my own sanctification. These experiences were going to do one of two things: break me of my pride, or break any positive reputation at the school I may have in the "bank." I came home that day, chastised and newly reformed.

So today I wrote my children (as I do each week) and told them what I'm now telling you: my ongoing sanctification is not yet complete. I got it wrong, very wrong, as self-pity almost always is. My internal was out of joint and my external wasn't far behind.

There you have it. That's what I learned already this week. Pity, I may have to re-learn it all again if it doesn't stick this time around.

Oh, and I see I've also botched the word limit on this post.

Expectations Management

This week has been dominated by chaos. Sleep has been a misnomer. Slowing down to actually chew my food a myth. Yesterday I had the new experience of conducting two high school classes, at the same time. Whoever wrote that syrupy "serenity prayer" is apparently living on a planet other than the one I inhabit.

But here on a rainy Friday it's "Alaska Day," (our very independent State's version of the 4th.) Alaska Day means no school, so today and for the first time in a while I am afforded time and opportunity to reflect on the past week. In so doing I've landed on two related realities;

In truth, my week wasn't all that bad. I evidently just chose to make chaos my world view. Secondly, it really wasn't schedule or people demands that caused my sense of chaos, it was my own expectations. Now, if you will, allow me to get philosophical.

The line between desires and expectations is thin. Our personal desires quickly morph into expectations when left unchecked. Desires almost always require and thus hope for the cooperation of events and other people, while expectations demand that same cooperation. But what, if anything does all this prove?

In my camp we call these desires-slash-expectations "idols." Anything that isn't directed to God is therefore an idol. If my idol is "power," I will busy myself trying to avoid failure and humiliation, at the price of always feeling responsible if not angry. If my idol is "comfort," I will endeavor to avoid any/all stresses even if it results in "nothing ventured, nothing gained." If my chosen idol is "control," I will work to mitigate against uncertainty at the price of incessant worry. And if my idol is "affirmation," I will do whatever necessary to up my approval rating and avoid the pain of rejection, ultimately resulting in slavery to the desires and expectations of other people.

So what I saw and experienced as chaos this week was essentially trumped up. I saw things the way I wanted to see them...as threats to my idols; as roadblocks on my way to expectations management.

Even pastors, especially this one needs to remember that idols are made up, though the idolatry is for real. And this is why repentance is a step toward freedom...even in the midst of self-perceived chaos.